I've moved past the point of thinking about my "condition" all the time, although it definitely informs my entire life right now. I have one "large" chemo left, on 10/25 and 11/01, then the clinical trial starts 11/15. This "large" chemo will be Cycle 4, which is all they'll be giving me of this particular cocktail. I'm enrolled in a clinical trial until "disease progression, unacceptable toxicity, or for two years or voluntary termination." I think the voluntary termination means *Cured*, but they never say that to Stage IV folks like me.
In other words, it would be a miracle.
If you don't already know, I plan for that miracle (what've I got to lose?). And if not, then I'd like to continue living well until *Morty* (see the movie "Click") comes for me. I have things to do, places to go, people to see until then, so I'm not ready for ya, Morty.
So the answer is, I feel generally OK.
As for the novel I hope to write for NaNoWriMo…well, maybe it'll excise some of these demons I've been hosting for too long.
If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.—Nietzsche