"I slept like a rock."
THAT would be a true luxury for me. Oh sure, I have the time to sleep all day and all night, but I don't get very good sleep. Not solid, like a rock. It figures, right?
Some mornings, Mike's goodbye kiss becomes a sedative. That kiss before he leaves for work is the door closing on my consciousness. For about 2 hours I fall into a cement-like snooze which hardens around me, blocking all light, sound, movement…It's heaven. It's also when the phone starts ringing.
How do I know it's heaven? For one thing, I feel so much more power (now THERE'S a funny word for me to use) after that 2 hour nap than I feel after a whole week of my regular (not-so-good) sleep. And, I recall times of absolute, blissful, delicious sleep—back in college, or when I was a teen—after a daylong, strenuous adventure. I remember loving it, even though my motto then was, You can sleep when you're dead.
Maybe that's what's missing—something strenuous. A 2-mile walk is physically strenuous to me, but it lacks the mental release. Maybe I need the concentration and stress that adventure requires. Additionally, phantom pains keep me up, along with doubts, fears, sadness combined with the urgency to get my financial life in order while I'm of sound mind (hahahahha). (That's its own post.) I'm unable to override those disturbances — lack of mental release.
It's also probably my bed, which is pretty new, and was fairly expensive, but causes pressure points I think. The worst beds I've ever slept on were in Paris, but I still slept like a rock and woke up painless. We walked from sun up to midnight though, so that was pure exhaustion. (The best bed was in Amsterdam.) I hear those hotel beds are actually not very expensive models (not even the ones at the Four Seasons).
I miss that lovely, childlike sleep. I think that alone could cure many of the world's ills. It's just so hard to come by. The manipulated sleep of a sedative or exhaustion from treatment is nowhere near the caliber of Original Sleep, Primeval Sleep. The kind of sleep my husband and my cat have such a talent for. They're sucking the blinds off the windows and sawing logs…I lie awake, pinned down and sandwiched in on both sides by helicopter motors.
No wonder I can't sleep.