A way you’ll never be

I think I keep to myself because, in the end, no one can really understand what I'm going through, unless they have/had cancer also.  And even that brings with it a range of experiences, the worst of which I'm sure I haven't even touched.

I don't expect anyone to understand, but I don't have the energy either, to convey anymore about it, nor do I think folks really have the interest or attention span.  As an example, my friends in southern Cal think I'm flaky, because I may say I'm coming down to visit, and then I don't.  It's always been touch and go for me, I was always more mobile than most people I know, but the touch and go of the present has more to do with an illness that manifests differently each day, and the fact that I need to work around my husband's impossible schedule.  His schedule in the military was more predictable.  I have an aging pet in a house we've been in for merely a month.  Someone needs to be around.  Or, I could wake up and feel crummy.  Not a good incentive to make plane reservations.  The will is there but the body rebels.  Lest anyone forgets, I still have responsibilities.  Having cancer does not equate with being footloose and fancy free.

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