The falling leaves…

Brilliant day!  Crisp, dazzling, balmy—the kind that gives one hope—hope to see another autumn like this.  I guess it's Indian summer, which brings to mind this time last year.  I feel so much better now than I did then, though I'm a veteran chemo rat.  I was so sad last autumn.  I looked at everything with the eyes of someone seeing it for the last time.  Now I realize that the last time is actually one's memory of it—what red and yellow leaves look like, the smell of one's lover, the opening notes of a favorite tune, the feeling of falling…

I don't know if the certainty of one's death drives a person to do "everything you've always wanted to do".  I spent my youth doing that, and was later chastised for a lack of planning insofar as my career, finances, and even children go.  I didn't buy a house, build a career, or have kids, opting to spend my youth crawling over God-forsaken boulders and glaciers.  I was having regrettable relationships and studying questionable subjects.  I was so in the moment, I can distill it in my mind to this day.  That, I don't regret.  That, I am ever so thankful for.

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One thought on “The falling leaves…

  1. i love these little gems of insight you have in here.
    and i totally agree: much better to have experienced and lived hard and made mistakes and been inappropriate when death comes instead of having been responsible and not done anything or been anywhere, even if you have a house and money in the bank.
    all the stuff we surround ourselves with is just junk our families or friends have to deal with after we're gone…
    thanks for this…you remind me of what's important in my life.

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