Yesterday was a very trying day. I'm a pretty stoic person, though not by the Hubster's standards (that would be Marine Corps standards), and I was almost in tears. Note that I felt very little emotion when I was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. But trying to resolve billing issues and picking up a bottle of Gastrograffin (CT scan contrast solution) at Kaiser Oakland is worse than…arraigning prominent criminals for murder, along with 60 other felons on your first day in master calendar court! Made me want to kill myself…almost. Alas, crying doesn't come easily (except at the movies or the hands of those who know which buttons to push). Too bad, I probably needed it.

So I went home, baked cookies, and made a favorite comfort food (beef stroganoff). After first spending an hour at the public library to calm down.

I thought of those whose lives are perpetually difficult, every day a string of disappointments and discomforts. I think of how they're still sometimes able to find joy in the simple things. When I think I have it bad, I think of my brother. I'd cry if I dwell on his situation too long. If I were working I could help him more. But that's another story and I have to finish this so they can scan my bones for the hundredth time.

So I am grateful. I've been ok for awhile, I have a fantastic husband who's stayed the course, I have luxuries like heat and a cell phone and health insurance, and a car that runs. I'm not lonely nor alone, and certainly not starving.

I need to work on helping those less fortunate, starting with the bro.

Sent from my iPhone

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