It’s a mystery

It's been a crazy week for treatment.  I had a last minute PET scan prior to the bone biopsy I'm having (tomorrow).  If the PET scan was negative, I'd proceed with the biopsy.  If it was positive, well, then, I still have cancer.  So it's negative, and I'm going in tomorrow for a procedure I've been told is quite painful.  :O

On the one hand I should be happy I've had two negative PET scans in a row—one from September 2008 and this last one.  I should be very hopeful at the possibility of going off treatment, if only for a time.  I can't help fearing the disease will return with nothing holding it at bay.  Even though I've read accounts of my medication, Tarceva, effecting  complete remission in some patients (amount of time unknown), I don't think I'll ever really feel "safe" from cancer.  The thought of growing normal hair and not having a perpetual rash is, however, a sunny thought.  
The things I've done to battle the beast—exercise and "green food", acupuncture, tea, prayer, etc– I didn't practice with any depth.  I've merely dabbled.  Would being declared cancer-free bring about a complete change in my health lifestyle?  Probably more than being sick would.  I'd give up more things, whereas being ill is a double-edged sword, trying to balance actions toward health improvement against the very same that give pleasure (important when one's life is short).  
As for Acupuncture—I'm a believer, and I'd try to convince anyone it works.  Acupuncture has decreased my pain and improved my well-being by leaps and bounds.  I visited a different practitioner today, and it felt like I was on drugs afterwards—my body buzzed and tingled with energy yet my mind was in a deeply meditative state.  I was surprised to find myself in such a bright room.  My inner eye was in a very comfortable darkness I didn't want to leave.  It's happened at other acupuncture sessions, and during one massage.  It's an amazing feeling.
That's the scoop!

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8 thoughts on “It’s a mystery

  1. Congratulations on the good report, even though I know you are not looking forward to the biopsy. None of us are really "safe" from cancer, even though we may have that illusion if we have not had it so far. You can do a lot of living as a "survivor". My mom has been one for 20 years.
    Your description of your body buzzing and your mind being deeply meditative is my experience of acupuncture also. I haven't been for a while – this inspires me to make an appointment.

  2. I owe my initial curiosity to you! Best advice I've ever taken. I can't believe I didn't go sooner, but am glad I finally did. Thanks for the suggestion!

  3. Sounds encouraging but yes when you said that about being safe from cancer I immediately thought even those** who don't have it aren't really safe either.** I am so superstitious I couldn't add the words ' of us' to that sentence after the word 'those'…pitiful really.

  4. Superstition's ok. Talismans can be a powerful thing, just wish I could find the magic one that I could hold onto and say, This will make it better.

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