We're "going naked", as the oncologist likes to say. No Tarceva, Alimta, or Aredia. EEK! "Take the leap of Faith!", is what he wrote on my after-visit summary. The clinical trial nurse says, "You do need to celebrate this."
I got what I wished for, which was to see my 10th wedding anniversary to a wonderful man. I may make it back to my home country yet.
Fearfully Ecstatic. Scared to death, cautiously optimistic.
Chest X-ray or CT scan and labs in eight weeks, and visit with oncologist.
You know how hard it was for me to let go of that study drug bottle? Crazy I know, but at this point, I don't like having my food dish moved. I'm off the clinical trial. How scary is that? No more free Tarceva.
Yet…yet, I look forward to banishing the rash on my scalp and growing hair. I look forward to healing a bit.
I'll try not to be afraid.
It's inexplicable. Even the oncologist is hard-pressed to believe that someone with as much disease as I walked in with could be alive and going off chemo almost three years later ("Be careful what you wish for cuz you might just get it!"), but he doesn't want to treat something he has no evidence of.
His last e-mail said, "Here is the copy of the bone bx (biopsy) report. They show no evidence of residual cancer and so it is time to stop the chemo, as we agreed…"
I don't trust those radiologists (except Arthur Miller, the felony attorney/radiologist). When they did my lung biopsy pre-diagnosis they collapsed my lung and didn't find any evidence either. So I'm weary. The onc says they got a sizable chunk– 1.2cm x 1.2 cm x .5 cm—my bones are very dense, probably due to the biphosphonate (Aredia).
After I have a few drinks (spread over a few days), I'll go back to eating that damn asparagus puree (supposed to be a lung cancer cure), become quasi-vegetarian, start exercising seriously, see if I can't gain a few weeks of freedom.
I hope this house hunting endeavor doesn't make me sick!
Naomi—please press your doctor for targeted treatment. I truly believe it's your best hope.
I'll try to direct as much of the positive energy I gain from this across the universe to everyone I know fighting this disease. Please have Hope!
Thank you Jesus, Buddha, Allah, the collective unconscious, Mohammed, etc. and everyone who gave me water from Lourdes and prayed for me and so generously supported me thus far!