Dazed and confused

Floating in a fog of uncertainty.  I need to remember each day that I’m living on borrowed time, and to make the most of it.  In other words, should I be spending this much time worrying about things like health insurance and all the niggling little bills?

The answer is probably no, just throw money at it and make it go away.  If there was ever a time to do something like that, it would be now.  Now would be the time to focus on last pleasures, not on whether I’m wasting money.  Wasting time would be the sin now, as I can’t make any more of it, can I?  Is it worth another minute of my remaining life fretting about $3000 or whatever it is I’ll be paying on top of the sum I already fork over for my illness?  Probably not.  I should move on to exercising, framing pictures, writing letters to loved ones, and generally getting my affairs in order.  If I do that, I may live another year, which I might actually enjoy.

Sometimes I lose sight of the trees for the forest.

3 thoughts on “Dazed and confused

  1. I feel so badly for you. We so need universal health care so people like you who have serious illnesses don’t have to worry about paying for their care. Michael Moore, we need another movie like the one you made about the state of medicine in our country. And yes, you need to have some fun and not deny yourself everything (like you didn’t want to buy a new pair of shoes awhile back). so shoot caution to the wind..things aren’t going to change just because you’re worrying about them. I just ordered another pair of Keens, my favorite shoe brand and I don’t have lots of $$$$ either. What the heck. But most of all I so hope that new medical insurance comes your way without a whole lot of worry and stress. Merde, Patricia

    • My husband used to joke that if he had to change jobs, moving to the Netherlands was near the top of the list. They have universal health care there, and the clinical trial I’m looking at next! Alas, the Dutch firm Hubby was looking at isn’t doing so well, and have licensed the company that bought Hubby’s company.

      Maybe things will work out in the end…or maybe I’ll live to 2014, when the Health Care Reforms kick in! Sending prayers to the universe to save us all, one way or another 😉

  2. Not to sound cliched, but every day is a gift, it’s why they call it the present. And you know what? It’s your time, whatever amount is left, so do what is best for you and your family. Spending time on those projects might even give your body the extra boost of whatever it needs to hang in there until something or other pushes the struggle within you in your favor.

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