The waiting is the hardest part

It’s been raining cats and dogs, which is good.  We needed it.  What a grueling week, trying to iron out everything for the trial in Colorado.  I admit, I should’ve taken care of this the week before last, before the doc went on vacation.  Unfortunately I felt unwell.  I’m better under pressure but it’s been nuts, trying to get medical records on such short notice.  A very mean woman at the Oakland KP Cancer Center really got on my last nerve.  Fortunately a supervisor (strangely, I think his name was Maximilian Bacon) happened to come up behind her to look for something, heard the interchange and intervened on my behalf.  I left, completely dissatisfied, called the actual “medical secretary”, who then asked me to return.  After a few minutes, a private door opened, my name was called, and a woman handed me a thick envelope (her name was Cielo, which means “heaven” or sky).  Not sure if it was the pressure of the past weeks or the great sadness reawakened by reading early descriptions of my condition – I burst into tears.  I became very emotional – from the relief? – and I hugged the woman.  We chatted for a moment, she hugged me again, the supervisor came out and saw me in tears…and then I left.  The following day she called back to say she’d received my paper file from storage and found a diagram from my original bronchoscopy with handwritten notes by the pulmonologist who performed the procedures.  I assured her I wasn’t normally emotional but thanked her profusely for her kindness.  Some sort of reward is forthcoming.

Had a ct scan Friday, non-contrast, followed by a terrific Thai lunch.  Exhausting week.  Tomorrow I have to shop for warm clothes.

Tried to walk today – it was windy & cold.  No dice, couldn’t breathe.  Time for a bike trainer.  I can’t take not exercising.  I feel crappy, and mimicking moves from “Dancing with the stars” isn’t really my style.  I do a few stretches, but it’s not enough.  Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough…

Anyway, I feel a bit disoriented.  Poor M, he brought me apples and cheese in bed, made lobster ravioli for dinner.  I feel awful, making him do that, but it’s probably good practice for the future.  Sad to say.

Two more days to take off.  I just need to start some kind of treatment SOON.  This waiting is murder.

6 thoughts on “The waiting is the hardest part

  1. Cheese and apples and lobster ravioli sound heavenly. If only you could have wine to go with it.

    Good food in good company is one of life’s pleasures, to be enjoyed completely in the moment.

    If to the moment I shall ever say:
    “Ah, linger on, thou art so fair!”
    Then may you fetters on me lay,
    Then will I perish, then and there!
    ———– Faust

  2. I hope your stay in Colorado is going well, that the clean and brisk mountain air is doing good things for your lungs but most o all, I hope you get accepted into the trial. Still praying for you….Patricia

  3. This post is old, and it sounds like you may presently be in Colorado! – The weather the past few days has been windy but sunny, so I hope the light has you wrapped in its splendor. Much tender healing to you (both physical and spiritual)!

  4. wow! GOD works in mysterious ways, and after doing some “very non-advised” Googling, I came across your blog. My husband is 36 and battling Stage IV NSCLC — he was diagnosed in 2010, the cancer went away and now it has come back in the form of Leptomenginal Disease — we start treatment on Monday, and thus far other than the occasional of me having to repeat my self (due to a small hearing issue), he remains in tact and functioning…BUT this past week has been a roller coaster awaiting treatment — he has not had any treatment since October of 2011 so I am very anxious…I will continue to follow your blog and you are welcome to follow ours as well… — you will remain in my prayers — you and your husband…my love Lyndie

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