the black hole

It’s hard to face the big, gaping emptiness.  Much easier to go about the house, doing chores and keeping busy, while the pot simmers at the back burner of our minds, reminding us of…

There is a large hole in the floor where all these beautiful women fall in…one day they’re out and about, and the next they’ve disappeared into the darkness like a mist, just fallen into that hole where only the people who one loves, gorgeous beings that one has just met and could have had long and wonderful friendships with, go.  The nasty creatures at the medical records office or the airline ticket counter – those reptiles never fall in the hole.  Just the sweet-faced angels who knit toe socks, ski like Tasmanian devils, and share light, love, and wisdom with those they encounter.

There are the sweet men who loved the disappeared.  Somewhere they are rebuilding, or just waking to find their loved one not there, this time for reals.

I’ve been walking around that hole for over five years.  Sometimes I veer closer, other times I see it in the distance.  One might call it a prominent landmark, and like Spectrals, perhaps only the terminally ill really see it for what it is – a swallower of beauty.

I’ve been hovering over the black hole for the past year.  I’ve sat on the edge, dangled my legs, and poured tears into it.  When it’s my turn, there better be something good at the bottom, because I’ve lost too many brave warriors to that f—ing hole for there to be nothing.

But maybe there is nothing.  Maybe the hole is just relief.  I sure hope not, because there are many sweethearts above ground hoping their loved ones went somewhere nice.

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3 thoughts on “the black hole

  1. cattle dies and kindred dies,
    every man is mortal ,
    but I know one thing that never dies –
    the glory of the great dead.

    — from the Viking saga Havamal

    Jazz, there is a place prepared for you in Valhalla. Keep up the brave fight, and when you fall on the battlefield your sisters will come and take you there.

  2. I know it’s tough, I know you’re off and on in pain but hey, you’re still here. Try to let the unkindness of other people wash over you and walk in your own beauty. You have more control over everything in your life than you realize and hey, you’re a pretty damn amazing woman. We’re still pulling and praying for you, you one tough fighter! Patricia

  3. The hole isn’t getting you without a f@cking fight. I wish I had your elequint words but we will be left with giant holes of our own to fill. I hope we go somewhere awesome but to the living the loved one is just gone. All the more reason to sieze the day! For today we fight! The dome is still waiting lol:)

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