“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems
It’s past midnight and I’m standing over the sink eating cold Chinese Crispy Chicken. Or at least I was. Now I’m eating rice pudding and wondering if I’ll be standing over the sink at midnight in the kitchen which will be “mine” in less than two weeks. The crazy move to southern Cal is under way. I should be packing like a fiend, but life keeps getting in the way. I should feel guilty for taking the time to write this, but it’s been weeks, and the Hubs just left for his last So. American business trip for his soon-to-be-former company… so I’m taking a much deserved blog break. It’s been nuts, and it doesn’t end with the move (as much as Hubs would like to think).
There’s still trips to Denver for treatment, and other related issues. I met with my new Kaiser oncologist today. The 3 lbs. I gained seems to be sticking, my blood pressure was good, pulse still fast, but Oxygen level was 99%!! How’s that for one lung?! I was surprised and delighted. I gave the new onc a run down on my treatment, and what I had planned for the future (Clovis trial at UCLA). He seemed agreeable, although he did ask if I’d had Alimta (pemetrexed) or Navelbine (Vinorelbine). I told him I had horrible tree/plant allergies, and he seemed a bit puzzled but I think my allergy to Taxanes may be more related to the tree (rather than to the solvents). Anyway, he went on to explain Thalessimia, which had never been mentioned until I got cancer. I’m 6 years out from diagnosis and no one has ever recommended taking 1mg of folic acid to mitigate this trait until now. Odd. Maybe it’s different because he has it too, and knows what a difference the folic acid makes. I dunno. Anyway, he didn’t recall meeting me back in 2007. I told him I’d booked a trip to London on his suggestion that it was 12 hours non-stop and doable. Not sure if he was amused or bewildered at that tale.
I’ve moved at least 20 times in the past 20 years. I wonder if I’m deluding myself with the idea I might actually hang pictures at This house, might actually go through and toss all old things, edit what’s left to be relevant and reasonable in quantity. Whatever that means. I don’t see why I have to justify the desire for bookshelves or old furniture while the Hubs continually buys gadgets, TV’s, and the darndest things. It’s maddening. It’ll get sorted in the unpacking, and I’ll just try to get comfortable without compromising too much of the time I may have left.
As for the issue of Time: as much as I used to love home improvement and all that, it doesn’t seem a good use of time (unless it’s an absolute necessity). It’s good for those who have plenty of time on their hands and seem bored. I’m never bored when I’m on my own, and find there’s not enough time in a day to do everything I want/need. Decoration fulfills the need for instant gratification, but honestly, at this point, I could give a hoot, even though I hate carpet, beige walls, and the salmon color of the house. My only plans are to wallpaper the half bath (because I found some great Lucienne Day wallpaper), plant enough stuff to keep the hill from sliding into the house, and display my collection of 1950’s album covers. Maybe I’ll work on removing some of that beige a little later. On the other hand, we may move to Holland in a year so what’s the point in that?