So odd to finally have time to post. Last year I didn’t notice the early darkness but this winter I feel it acutely. You’d think it would be welcome after the extreme light and heat of the last few months. Alas, while I enjoy the rain (going on a week now), I love long summer dusks. I also love weekends, when I feel a reprieve from the clutches of health insurance collectors. Why, oh why does this get to me, when I know I’m covered and it’s just a paperwork snafu? The clinical trial coordinator says, “Don’t pay any of these! I made copies and have a billing specialist looking at them. I got a bunch of those zero’d out.” Yet. Yet, I get calls and mail which make a trip to the mailbox dreadful. I suffer from a case of over-responsibility. I need special pills – Get A Life pills, Blow It Off pills, Nolite te bastardes carborundorum pills. A year’s supply! (I’ve brought the box of medical bills down, and there they sit on the sofa. Because I can’t create a mess upstairs, away from the convenience of TV and tea.)
Had lunch with some old high school buddies over the weekend. Marathon talk-fest, with intermittent wine, coffee, and charcuterie. Tentative plans for trips all over (the US, while one of them gets a passport and the other one sorts out whether she’s going to Italy with her husband, meaning she can’t go with me). Just what the doctor ordered, in terms of marriage therapy. Appears I’m not the only one who’s good to go without further reward or encouragement if deemed upright and breathing. Although, one gets roses, and the other gets trips abroad. I get renovated rooms. I could do worse, and I know it.
These days, in the midst of consumerism gone wild, I AM thankful for what I have, that I’m in a heated home with no wants (besides a longer life, health, a patient advocate, help with my parents and brother… the obvious). There’s a certain loneliness, but since my complaints and pleas for peace were so amplified the past few months, this solitude has helped me reflect on my blessings. And I am blessed, to be sure. Even if I’m insecure in those blessings, they are acknowledged. And what is life if not a wave beneath us?
Right, enough of that. Bills? Pffft. Thinking of pesto pasta now. Tomorrow, Dark Shadows! And maybe some headway with bills and phone calls. I said MAYBE.