“It may feel like the atomic bomb has gone off in your life – that is certainly how I felt when my mother died (of cancer) – but it does get better, and I agree … that the harrowing memories of the illness fade. I think part of what is so hard is accepting that we can only go so far with people: I used to dream repeatedly of having to let go of my mother for her to cross a river, or go through a fire, or whatever image was in my mind. Human love can go to the very threshold but no further, and those limits are difficult to live with for a while.” ~ Certain Spring (KMM)
Now we speak of her death, and another grieving husband, possibly wandering the hills of Scotland or the streets of Provence in a despair to end all despair, or in their new home, with doors locked and shades drawn, amidst the books and papers, now relics of her fierce inner life and her original, insatiable mind. What a crushing, unforgettable, unbearable blow.
I am so sorry and beyond words, Hugh, for your loss.